[NP-Clinical] Grief info and other help needed

Sun Mar 18 03:52:36 PDT 2007

Chris, I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

More than 15 years ago, my sister died suddenly at age 43. While I in no way 
mean to say, "I know what you are going through", I've had the experience of 
dealing with my own grief while being torn apart by what this did to my mom.

I have no great words of wisdom but what I do know is once you are with your 
family, what you can do to help in the short term will likely become 
clearer.  And often family differences melt away when you have a common 
burden to share.

The funeral home can supply a list of things to do between now and the day 
of your brother's service. As NPs, we are "doers", and it feels good (or as 
good as anything feels at a time like this) to do something helpful. When I 
deal with acutely bereaved families, I often assign close friends to sit 
with certain folks who are not eating well and simply make sure the grieving 
person eats at least two small meals per day.  Grief is hard, dirty work 
that requires physical and emotional energy.  (The "food is medicine for 
your body" analogy sometimes works") This might be something you could work 
to arrange with your parent's friends, for the next couple of weeks.

http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/grief.htm  This is a website with helpful 
information.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Dr. Margaret A. Fitzgerald, DNP, APRN, BC, NP-C, FAANP, CSP
President, Fitzgerald Health Education Associates, Inc.
85 Flagship Drive
North Andover, MA 01845-6154
978.794.8366
FNP, Adjunct Faculty, Family Practice Residency
Greater Lawrence (MA) Family Health Center, Inc.
FHEA website www.fhea.com
FHEA on line store www.fhea.biz
Proud member of "Team Mimi", Leukemia and Lymphoma Team in Training  
http://www.active.com/donate/tntma/tntmaMFitzge

>From: "Christine Smith" <chrisbsmith at mindspring.com>
>Reply-To: NP Clinical <np-clinical at nurse.net>
>To: <np-clinical at nurse.net>
>Subject: [NP-Clinical] Grief info and other help needed
>Date: Sun, 18 Mar 2007 02:39:25 -0700
>
>I need some guidance. My 56 yo brother, Steve,  was killed instantly 
>Thursday in Vancouver, WA when he was hit head on while on a spring ride on 
>his Harley  by a 17 yo kid who was attempting to a pass a semi truck.  He 
>was the best - a huge source of companionship, support etc to my parents, 
>especially my dad.. Very involved in the family, well loved - story book 
>marriage, successful, retiring in June from State Farm -- the whole 9 
>yards. He has spent most of the last year in a hotel with his wife in New 
>Orleans area settling Katrina claims.  No one is doing well but especially 
>his wife and my dad. No sleep now in three days. My sister, all 100 pounds 
>of her, hallucinated on the Ambien we gave her.
>
>People in my family do not die. We just go to the hospital over and over. 
>We have always been a motorcycle family - I did some impressive leg damage, 
>my dad and mom were hit by a drunk driver and survived when on their 
>Harley. My sister just finished have her bike painted a brilliant teal. We 
>do not feel bad about the cause of death - 17 year old kids do stupid 
>things and we all have our own stupid kids. It was unfortunate and 
>wreckless, but pointless to be angry with him. He could have been one of 
>our own kids since they all feel they are invincible and nothing bad will 
>happen.
>
>My mom can barely get around - she is S/P knee replacement by just a few 
>weeks.  My dad has aged a 100 years since Thursday per one of my sisters.. 
>I feel helpless - there are tons and tons of people around and in and out 
>of several houses. I have my own grief too and great pain for his kids and 
>my sister. Everyone wants to do something but no one can think how to 
>delegate things or give some of these helpers things to do. I am leaving in 
>a few hours for Washington and will be up there for the next week. The 
>funeral is not until Thursday and it is going to be a long, depressing 
>week. This is even harder for me as I do not do well staying at my parents 
>for such a long time - I usually do better taking my family in small doses 
>- like three days max.
>
>Please advise on things that others have found helpful with this sort of 
>tragic loss. What really was nice? What did you or your families find 
>helpful?  I appreciate any condolences but what I really need is pure 
>wisdom and tips on getting us all through the next week.
>
>Thanks in advance for your support
>Chris Smith, NP
>Antioch, CA

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