[NP-Clinical] Grief info and other help needed

[Shelby Havens]

Dear Christine:

I am so sorry for your loss. Both of my parents are gone (I'm 48), but I cannot imagine losing a sibling, especially so suddenly. I'm totally speechless about what to say to make you feel better right now.

Try to nuture yourself this week to help get through it. Schedule a massage, treat yourself to a movie with a friend if you have some spare time. Keep friends, neighbors, and children in close touch over the next few weeks. Brew a cup of your favorite soothing tea. Let people take care of you - bring you groceries, clean your house, and take you out to dinner. 

Think about setting up a little altar in your brother's memory. Objects like a framed photo, a small gift he may have given you, and a candle in his favorite color can be placed on your coffee table or fireplace mantel. Make an appointment with a spiritual leader if you have one - a minister, rabbi, life coach, or yoga teacher. Stay grounded so that you feel like the world is still a safe place.    

Warm Regards,

Shelby

         

 
> 
> From: "Christine Smith" <chrisbsmith at mindspring.com>
> Date: 2007/03/18 Sun AM 04:39:25 EST
> To: <np-clinical at nurse.net>
> Subject: [NP-Clinical] Grief info and other help needed
> 
> I need some guidance. My 56 yo brother, Steve,  was killed instantly Thursday in Vancouver, WA when he was hit head on while on a spring ride on his Harley  by a 17 yo kid who was attempting to a pass a semi truck.  He was the best - a huge source of companionship, support etc to my parents, especially my dad.. Very involved in the family, well loved - story book marriage, successful, retiring in June from State Farm -- the whole 9 yards. He has spent most of the last year in a hotel with his wife in New Orleans area settling Katrina claims.  No one is doing well but especially his wife and my dad. No sleep now in three days. My sister, all 100 pounds of her, hallucinated on the Ambien we gave her.
> 
> People in my family do not die. We just go to the hospital over and over. We have always been a motorcycle family - I did some impressive leg damage, my dad and mom were hit by a drunk driver and survived when on their Harley. My sister just finished have her bike painted a brilliant teal. We do not feel bad about the cause of death - 17 year old kids do stupid things and we all have our own stupid kids. It was unfortunate and wreckless, but pointless to be angry with him. He could have been one of our own kids since they all feel they are invincible and nothing bad will happen.
> 
> My mom can barely get around - she is S/P knee replacement by just a few weeks.  My dad has aged a 100 years since Thursday per one of my sisters.. I feel helpless - there are tons and tons of people around and in and out of several houses. I have my own grief too and great pain for his kids and my sister. Everyone wants to do something but no one can think how to delegate things or give some of these helpers things to do. I am leaving in a few hours for Washington and will be up there for the next week. The funeral is not until Thursday and it is going to be a long, depressing week. This is even harder for me as I do not do well staying at my parents for such a long time - I usually do better taking my family in small doses - like three days max.
> 
> Please advise on things that others have found helpful with this sort of tragic loss. What really was nice? What did you or your families find helpful?  I appreciate any condolences but what I really need is pure wisdom and tips on getting us all through the next week. 
> 
> Thanks in advance for your support 
> Chris Smith, NP
> Antioch, CA
>