[NP-Clinical] Grief info and other help needed

[willie o]

My deepest sympathy to you and your family on the death of your brother. When my son died, I found comfort going through photo albums. I have always taken tons of photos, and put these in albums, with some writing (scrapbooking way before it was popular). The family spent hours going through these. In time, the tears turned to laughter at the memories these photos brought to us. 
  Talking...let everyone express their feelings, but remember everyone will experience death in their own way and will grieve in their own way. One Indian woman told me that I needed to go through the "four seasons" in my grieving. She was right. Each season of the year brought new thoughts of my son that I had to deal with and work through. 
  Let people help you. People do not know what you need, but are usually very willing to help. Make a list of things that "need" to be done and things that you would "like" to be done. People will be very generous with their time if given a chance. 
  I do not know if you have a religion, but my religious beliefs also helped me through my grieving, talking to a minister and a greif support group also helped.
  Again, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. 

Christine Smith <chrisbsmith at mindspring.com> wrote:
          I need some guidance. My 56 yo brother, Steve,  was killed instantly Thursday in Vancouver, WA when he was hit head on while on a spring ride on his Harley  by a 17 yo kid who was attempting to a pass a semi truck.  He was the best - a huge source of companionship, support etc to my parents, especially my dad.. Very involved in the family, well loved - story book marriage, successful, retiring in June from State Farm -- the whole 9 yards. He has spent most of the last year in a hotel with his wife in New Orleans area settling Katrina claims.  No one is doing well but especially his wife and my dad. No sleep now in three days. My sister, all 100 pounds of her, hallucinated on the Ambien we gave her.
   
  People in my family do not die. We just go to the hospital over and over. We have always been a motorcycle family - I did some impressive leg damage, my dad and mom were hit by a drunk driver and survived when on their Harley. My sister just finished have her bike painted a brilliant teal. We do not feel bad about the cause of death - 17 year old kids do stupid things and we all have our own stupid kids. It was unfortunate and wreckless, but pointless to be angry with him. He could have been one of our own kids since they all feel they are invincible and nothing bad will happen.
   
  My mom can barely get around - she is S/P knee replacement by just a few weeks.  My dad has aged a 100 years since Thursday per one of my sisters.. I feel helpless - there are tons and tons of people around and in and out of several houses. I have my own grief too and great pain for his kids and my sister. Everyone wants to do something but no one can think how to delegate things or give some of these helpers things to do. I am leaving in a few hours for Washington and will be up there for the next week. The funeral is not until Thursday and it is going to be a long, depressing week. This is even harder for me as I do not do well staying at my parents for such a long time - I usually do better taking my family in small doses - like three days max.
   
  Please advise on things that others have found helpful with this sort of tragic loss. What really was nice? What did you or your families find helpful?  I appreciate any condolences but what I really need is pure wisdom and tips on getting us all through the next week. 
   
  Thanks in advance for your support 
  Chris Smith, NP
  Antioch, CA
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    Willie Olson, MSN, RN, FNP-C
  Marysville, CA. 95901
   
  H:  530-682-8560
  W: 530-749-3420


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