[NP-Clinical] Grief info and other help needed

[Andy Craig]

Dear Christine--
 
I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss.  What a sad thing.  The other
replies on the list are all great--I really like the list on the fridge
idea.  I remember getting told once that when people ask "Is there anything
I can I do" don't be reluctant to say "Yes, there is".  Then you can just
point them to the fridge and say "pick one"!
 
When my Mom died unexpectedly in 1998 just before Christmas in Chicago, I
remember the drive being very somber and long, and when I got there, the
snow hit and everything was just very gloomy.  What helped was having
someone with me who cared about me (my wife), and looking through all the
memory boxes and photos, etc.  Especially since my relationship with my Mom
was a difficult one, that seemed to highlight the good memories so I didn't
just focus on the bad ones along with the gloom.  And it helped.
 
You take care.  I'll say a prayer for you.
 
Andy Craig, NP
Charlotte, NC

-----Original Message-----
From: np-clinical-bounces at nurse.net [mailto:np-clinical-bounces at nurse.net]
On Behalf Of Christine Smith
Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2007 5:39 AM
To: np-clinical at nurse.net
Subject: [NP-Clinical] Grief info and other help needed


I need some guidance. My 56 yo brother, Steve,  was killed instantly
Thursday in Vancouver, WA when he was hit head on while on a spring ride on
his Harley  by a 17 yo kid who was attempting to a pass a semi truck.  He
was the best - a huge source of companionship, support etc to my parents,
especially my dad.. Very involved in the family, well loved - story book
marriage, successful, retiring in June from State Farm -- the whole 9 yards.
He has spent most of the last year in a hotel with his wife in New Orleans
area settling Katrina claims.  No one is doing well but especially his wife
and my dad. No sleep now in three days. My sister, all 100 pounds of her,
hallucinated on the Ambien we gave her.
 
People in my family do not die. We just go to the hospital over and over. We
have always been a motorcycle family - I did some impressive leg damage, my
dad and mom were hit by a drunk driver and survived when on their Harley. My
sister just finished have her bike painted a brilliant teal. We do not feel
bad about the cause of death - 17 year old kids do stupid things and we all
have our own stupid kids. It was unfortunate and wreckless, but pointless to
be angry with him. He could have been one of our own kids since they all
feel they are invincible and nothing bad will happen.
 
My mom can barely get around - she is S/P knee replacement by just a few
weeks.  My dad has aged a 100 years since Thursday per one of my sisters.. I
feel helpless - there are tons and tons of people around and in and out of
several houses. I have my own grief too and great pain for his kids and my
sister. Everyone wants to do something but no one can think how to delegate
things or give some of these helpers things to do. I am leaving in a few
hours for Washington and will be up there for the next week. The funeral is
not until Thursday and it is going to be a long, depressing week. This is
even harder for me as I do not do well staying at my parents for such a long
time - I usually do better taking my family in small doses - like three days
max.
 
Please advise on things that others have found helpful with this sort of
tragic loss. What really was nice? What did you or your families find
helpful?  I appreciate any condolences but what I really need is pure wisdom
and tips on getting us all through the next week. 
 
Thanks in advance for your support 
Chris Smith, NP
Antioch, CA

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