[NP-Clinical] Re: Grief info and other help needed

Sun Mar 18 11:02:36 PDT 2007

I know you dont want much in the way of condolences, I am sure you have so many, but you have mine too.I am so sorry for your loss Christine.  I am in Portland, OR, very close to Vancouver,WA right now. I am very sorry for you and your family.  One thing I would say, is do not waste time with people that do not have the insight or wisdom to handle your grief. There will be a lot of those people. Even some people who you thought were very close friends may withdraw, and dont spend your much needed energy on that.. putting up a list of things to do so people can refer to it is a good idea, and if your brother had any wishes written down someone in the family could focus on that. I think one of the best ways to get through the freshest time of the grief, is to have a dinner or a celebration of "life" maybe through the Harley group. Then everyone can speak of your brother, and commemorate him. Your mom or someone who is able to might want to make a quilt out of his shirts, or
 special momentos. Then you have that memory quilt all the time. Try to take a hour out of each day, and hike or focus on something else too. Carla Anderson/Portland, OR

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Today's Topics:

1. RE: Grief info and other help needed (Theodore Scott)
2. Re: Grief info and other help needed (Rhoda Friend)

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Message: 1
Date: Sun, 18 Mar 2007 10:03:06 -0700
From: "Theodore Scott" 
Subject: RE: [NP-Clinical] Grief info and other help needed
To: "'NP Clinical'" 
Message-ID: <003601c7697f$4c0de2d0$40c16f44 at THUDOMATIC2004>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"

Dear Chris,

I am woefully under qualified to offer any professional help with this.
Personally I am so sorry for your loss and I offer any help I can to you and
your family. As a Harley rider myself until a few years ago, I understand
both the joy of riding and the danger of doing so. I am deeply saddened by
the loss of another brother.

Ted Scott, NP-C

Escondido, CA

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Message: 2
Date: Sun, 18 Mar 2007 11:06:32 -0600
From: Rhoda Friend 
Subject: Re: [NP-Clinical] Grief info and other help needed
To: NP Clinical 
Message-ID: <45FD7198.7020507 at optimal-ds.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"

Dear Chris,

Please accept my deepest sympathy for you and your family in this 
terrible time of loss. Your family's generosity toward the 17 yr old 
driver is wonderful, and I'm sure the forgiveness will help with the 
healing.

Prayers and Blessings be with you and yours,

Rhoda Friend

>> From: "Christine Smith" 
>> Date: 2007/03/18 Sun AM 05:39:25 EDT
>> To: 
>> Subject: [NP-Clinical] Grief info and other help needed
>>
>> I need some guidance. My 56 yo brother, Steve, was killed instantly Thursday in Vancouver, WA when he was hit head on while on a spring ride on his Harley by a 17 yo kid who was attempting to a pass a semi truck. He was the best - a huge source of companionship, support etc to my parents, especially my dad.. Very involved in the family, well loved - story book marriage, successful, retiring in June from State Farm -- the whole 9 yards. He has spent most of the last year in a hotel with his wife in New Orleans area settling Katrina claims. No one is doing well but especially his wife and my dad. No sleep now in three days. My sister, all 100 pounds of her, hallucinated on the Ambien we gave her.
>>
>> People in my family do not die. We just go to the hospital over and over. We have always been a motorcycle family - I did some impressive leg damage, my dad and mom were hit by a drunk driver and survived when on their Harley. My sister just finished have her bike painted a brilliant teal. We do not feel bad about the cause of death - 17 year old kids do stupid things and we all have our own stupid kids. It was unfortunate and wreckless, but pointless to be angry with him. He could have been one of our own kids since they all feel they are invincible and nothing bad will happen.
>>
>> My mom can barely get around - she is S/P knee replacement by just a few weeks. My dad has aged a 100 years since Thursday per one of my sisters.. I feel helpless - there are tons and tons of people around and in and out of several houses. I have my own grief too and great pain for his kids and my sister. Everyone wants to do something but no one can think how to delegate things or give some of these helpers things to do. I am leaving in a few hours for Washington and will be up there for the next week. The funeral is not until Thursday and it is going to be a long, depressing week. This is even harder for me as I do not do well staying at my parents for such a long time - I usually do better taking my family in small doses - like three days max.
>>
>> Please advise on things that others have found helpful with this sort of tragic loss. What really was nice? What did you or your families find helpful? I appreciate any condolences but what I really need is pure wisdom and tips on getting us all through the next week. 
>>
>> Thanks in advance for your support 
>> Chris Smith, NP
>> Antioch, CA
>>
>> 
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