[NP-Clinical] Grief info and other help needed

[David Mittman]

Chris: I am so, so very sorry. Mary took the words right out of my mouth
about the photo album-great idea.
Also ask yourself what he would want you to do this week. Really, what would
he want? Maybe to use his passing to heal some family rifts, to think about
him and TRY to smile, to try to come to grips to what happened without
finding the meaning as to WHY?? when it might not have a reasonable meaning?
Also, if you can, visit some of the places that made you feel good as a
little girl. Do it alone. It will aid the healing.
Please accept my sympathy and hundreds of hugs your way.
Dave

On 3/18/07 10:57 AM, "Mary Beck" <mary.beck at charter.net> wrote:

> Hi Chris,
>   My heart and my prayers go out to you at this terrible time. What a tragedy
> that your family must try to make sense of and get through in the next weeks
> and months. An event like this reminds us that we humans are fallible, fragile
> creatures, and life is fleeting; we all need to try to make the most of each
> day. I can't say that I've had anyone very close to me die suddenly like you
> have, but I have had other personal tragedies. It seems that the mundane tasks
> of life-grocery shopping, doing laundry, preparing meals, watching a movie on
> TV, just putting one foot in front of the other-help you feel more normal at
> crazy times. You didn't mention the ages of your brother and sister-in-law's
> kids, but maybe you could plan some activities with them-go for a walk, movie,
> out to eat, help them with homework.
>   A close friend who lost her husband suddenly last year told me that one of
> the most healing things her family did was to go through photo albums and
> reminisce, and pull out some photos to make storyboards of her husband's life.
> These were displayed at the wake before the funeral. It was interesting to
> those of us who didn't know him well to have a glimpse into who he was. She
> also mentioned that going through the photo albums, videos and memorabilia
> brought a lot of tears and laughter that was very therapeutic. The
> get-together after the funeral is really a necessary time for family and
> friends to talk, cry, laugh, remember. You know that sharing the grief burden
> helps families to start the recovery process.
>   Perhaps your sister-in-law might find some comfort and support in a grief
> support group in the next weeks and months. She may feel overwhelmed as she
> assumes all the responsibility of parenting and becoming the head of the
> household while she's dealing with her own loss. She needs a place where she
> can vent and get support as her life shifts gears.
>   God keep you all, Christine.
>  
> Mary Beck
>>  
>> ----- Original Message -----
>>  
>> From:  Christine Smith <mailto:chrisbsmith at mindspring.com>
>>  
>> To: np-clinical at nurse.net
>>  
>> Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2007 4:39 AM
>>  
>> Subject: [NP-Clinical] Grief info and  other help needed
>>  
>> 
>>  
>> I need some guidance. My 56 yo brother, Steve,   was killed instantly
>> Thursday in Vancouver, WA when he was hit head  on while on a spring ride on
>> his Harley  by a 17 yo kid who was  attempting to a pass a semi truck.  He
>> was the best - a huge source of  companionship, support etc to my parents,
>> especially my dad.. Very involved in  the family, well loved - story book
>> marriage, successful, retiring in June  from State Farm -- the whole 9 yards.
>> He has spent most of  the last year in a hotel with his wife in New Orleans
>> area settling  Katrina claims.  No one is doing well but especially his wife
>> and my dad.  No sleep now in three days. My sister, all 100 pounds of her,
>> hallucinated on  the Ambien we gave her.
>>  
>>  
>>  
>> People in my family do not die. We just go to the  hospital over and over. We
>> have always been a motorcycle family - I did some  impressive leg damage, my
>> dad and mom were hit by a drunk driver and survived  when on their Harley. My
>> sister just finished have her bike painted a  brilliant teal. We do not feel
>> bad about the cause of death - 17 year old kids  do stupid things and we all
>> have our own stupid kids. It was unfortunate and  wreckless, but pointless to
>> be angry with him. He could have been one of our  own kids since they all
>> feel they are invincible and nothing bad will  happen.
>>  
>>  
>>  
>> My mom can barely get around - she is S/P knee  replacement by just a few
>> weeks.  My dad has aged a 100 years since  Thursday per one of my sisters.. I
>> feel helpless - there are tons and tons of  people around and in and out of
>> several houses. I have my own grief too and  great pain for his kids and my
>> sister. Everyone wants to do something but no  one can think how to delegate
>> things or give some of these helpers things to  do. I am leaving in a few
>> hours for Washington and will be up there for the  next week. The funeral is
>> not until Thursday and it is going to be a long,  depressing week. This is
>> even harder for me as I do not do well staying at my  parents for such a long
>> time - I usually do better taking my family in small  doses - like three days
>> max.
>>  
>>  
>>  
>> Please advise on things that others have found  helpful with this sort of
>> tragic loss. What really was nice? What did you or  your families find
>> helpful?  I appreciate any condolences but what I  really need is pure wisdom
>> and tips on getting us all through the next week.
>>  
>>  
>>  
>> Thanks in advance for your support
>>  
>> Chris Smith, NP
>>  
>> Antioch, CA
>>  
>> 
>>  
>> 
>>  
>> 
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